Thursday, February 02, 2006

Today was the last day of my first semester of high school.

How was the first half of my first year? To be honest, I can't decide if it sucked or if it was honestly not all that bad.
It saw the deterioration of my happiness.
It saw me lose friends as fast as I made them.
It saw me fail almost half of my classes.
It saw me become lonely and bitter.

It saw me turn into someone kind of new, whom I can't decide if I like or not.

But I also realized that I've been this way all along. I move through the day with my emotions turned all the way off and yet pushed to hyper-sensitive at the same time. I observe, but I shut it all out, and when people talk to me it disturbs me and half the time pisses me the hell off. But I've been this way forever, and I feel so strange without the loneliness and the anger prickling the back of my mind, behind some sort of fake smile and laugh and...person.

I need some therapy, but I'm afraid to talk to my parents about it and I don't know where to go. I want help, I need help, but I don't know what to do or where to go or why I need it.

How did I get like this?

1 Comments:

Blogger starpower said...

At least you're writing about it--that's a good start. Tell your parents you need help. Some high school guidance counselors are also actually helpful--and may have some information.

1:50 PM  

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