Me and Steven are friends again. Apparently. That's what we decided, anyway. But it still hurts...a lot. I talked to Daniel tonight. He is a wise boy.

Me: I hate it when you know that a friendship will never work out.
Daniel: heh
Daniel: like fish and all of us
Me: Like Steven and I
Daniel: yeah...i know
Daniel: see, i was trying to get your mind off him
Me: God...I fucking hate this. I hate how I can't rip myself away. I hate how he's distant, I hate how he's in love with her, I hate that he kissed me, I hate that I let him, I hate that he's fucked up, I hate I hate I hate
Daniel: i hate everything, because it's easier
Me: I hate how everything he does makes me angry or depressed
Daniel: so let him alone and let yourself get over him
Daniel: dont try to
Daniel: just do
Me: I know...but it's hard. It's hard because we're apparently still going to try to be friends.
Me: And I know that I'm just going to keep on getting hurt
Daniel: so don't try to be friends
Me: And why am I putting myself through this? I can't think of any good reason except for him
Daniel: so maybe that's your good reason
Me: I hate my good reason.
Daniel: the way i see it, this is the problem: You want to be friends, because he does. You don't want to be friends, because he broke your heart.
Me: Yes...
Daniel: So what do you owe to him?
Me: ...Nothing.
Me: Well, I don't know. I don't know anything.
Daniel: sure you do
Daniel: you know that you owe him nothing
Daniel: and that means that you dont need to hurt yourself to help him
Me: Yeah
Me: God I hate this Daniel. It hurts too much.
Daniel: yeah yeah, I know
Daniel: but neither option will help
Daniel: so choose the lesser of two weevils
Me: I know. Which is lesser...I hate choosing between evils.
Daniel: i cant choose for you. thats what coins are for
Me: Let me get a coin. If it's heads, we're friends. If it's tails, we forget.
Daniel: flip only once
Me: I accidentally dropped it. Does that count?
Daniel: no
Me: Okay. It was heads...
Me: It's heads.
Daniel: well, are you regretful of that
fact?
Me: Regretful of what fact?
Daniel: that you flipped heads
Me: I don't know. I'd be regretful of either. I hate cutting people out of my life. There are few things that hurt more.
Me: But being friends with him means I keep getting hurt
Daniel: well
Me: Either way, it's a perpetually horrible situation
Daniel: not really
Daniel: either way you'll never see him again after 2 years, most likely
Me: I know
Me: But that's two years of shit
Daniel: if you disassociate from him, then it will be akward and bad whenever you see him in the halls. on the other foot, if you stay friends this could happen again
Daniel: maybe
Me: Yeah
Daniel: so
Daniel: you have a week to ponder [note: today's the 1st day of winter break]
Me: Yeah
Daniel: or, if you want, 8 days of actually enjoying life, and one day of emo pondering