The past two days I've been feeling really fucked up. The only times I've been happy have been at Team Read and when I'm playing/writing music. I have felt stupid, insecure, over-sensitive, and in need of some major TLC. Which, of course, I've not been getting. It's not helping that I pretty much feel like he's been ignoring me for the past few days (which means that I am ignoring him. God I'm fucking awful).
Feeling like this is consequently been making people much less happy to be around me. Fuck, I don't even think I'm happy around myself. I hate how my every other thought has something to do with someone getting the fuck out of my way, or to stop being so fucking annoying, etc. etc. My answers to questions are short and sharp. I get so absorbed in my thoughts that I don't realize or care that other people are around and stop being courteous and walk around with a frown and downcast eyes. That, or I'm burning holes into the backs of the heads of those who wern't all that I wanted to be and miss dearly. That's the really fucked up thing...when I miss someone, I begin to act far away, and they echo that, and so things get all stupid. That's probably why so many of my friendships have gotten all messed up this year.

I'm the problem.

I have so many dreams for a home, but no one is good enough to be that.

And that hurts way too fucking much.

(Things will be better when I'm not a teenager anymore, right? Right?)