I did it. He's gone. Out of my life. Forever?

And no, I couldn't do it without crying. I cried for a million years and played my guitar, and sang songs that happened to have been written about him.

"The waves were crashing / The trees all a-shake / Like my heart, like my hands, the way we both knew it would break / On some strange, cold February day / The day our thoughts came too late.It was cold on the beach / It was warm in you / I'll try to forget, but that'll never do / We both lost our heads in a search for a heart / That's the one thing that could make us part.

And you asked me, "Who gives a damn about the past anyway?" / And I said "My memory." / And you asked me "Can't you forget?" / But the answer is, truthfully, no.

And maybe one day I'll stop thinking too much / That day was simply a prominent grain of sand on the beaches of time / One that if I put away, and forgot to lock the hiding place / The waves of time could easily pull away.

And when I'm standing on the platform, being pulled from the day / The last thing I'll do is call out your name / And in my ever eternal night / I'll come to remind you of the painful truth / You won't ever really forget / The one thing that could force us apart."

I wrote that after he kissed me that day back in February, when everything started happening, but he said we couldn't be together, but let's be friends, forget anything happened. But it would be that day, that one first kiss that would force us apart in the end. And yet, almost exactly a month later, we're together. Ten days after that, things got shredded.



And tonight he said over and over and over how much he was sorry.
And he said over and over and over how much he regretted using me as his venting target.
And he said over and over and over how I could always come back, he'd be right there.
Over and over and over about how he'd miss me.
And I told him, over and over, that I would not change my mind.

And according to him right now all he needs a reset button or the second chance of a lifetime.

I feel sick, I feel dead, I feel like all I need is to be with him. But I can't, I won't, no, no, no. I must suppress, I must move on, I must forget...

But I feel like like dying now, with this big, empty space in my life that used to be filled with something so important to me.


It's right about now that it'd be ideal for that devastating earthquake to strike.