a fond memory of france

i remember listening to this song on the plane back in april. it was nighttime and dark and i had two plane seats to myself. i looked out the window at the stars, and down at the ground, and i tried to decipher the clouds from icy greenland. or was it the ocean? and greg dulli told me it would all be alright, and it was.
when i woke up hours later, it was early morning. we were still over the ocean, but were approaching land quickly. the colors were beautiful and the clouds were a thin blanket below us. a little while later when i looked down, it was france! there was green, and clouds, and hills. we began our descent after a frugal breakfast, and the descent was such a beautiful picture it brought tears to my eyes. the clouds were huge and magnificent; they took the shapes of ice cream cones and gods and goddesses. there they were having their rich, textured time inbetween green hills and patchwork fields. and then i saw the first town. oh, those red rooves! i had seen them in movies and pictures and heard of them from my mothers mouth, but here they were, spread out below me, and once again happiness and wonder overtook my heart and i began to cry. we landed on the outskirts of paris, and unlike the rest of my classmates, i was a huge vacuum cleaner sucking up everything around me.
"oh, my! these moving sidewalks that go up and down hills and through tubes are such fun!"
"do you think M83 is standing in the customs line? joel! listen!"
"look at the monks, all in their orange!"
"ha! my first naked lady poster!"
"it's the seine!"
"look at those stone buildings!"
"it's beautiful!"
"these freeways are much better than the ones at home!"
and on and on. when we got into the city i didn't use up a roll of film on the eiffel tower that you could see a little bit from our hotel room. i was looking at the people. i used to hate it when they called paris the city of love, but now i don't because i've seen that it is. the couples are everywhere. they're always on benches or the subway or the bus or walking down the street, kissing, embracing. it was wonderful. i liked the kids on the carousels, i liked the people working to prevent AIDS, i liked it all. i even liked the couple who were having sex under the bridge. they were awesome.
after a few days in paris we took the TGV to lyon, where we would live with a french family for five days, and go to school there for two. my time in lyon is probably where i look back on my trip most fondly. although when i was in lyon it was a little bit rainy and cold, it was gorgeous. school was interesting, because the boys were overwhelming (the students in general...all those questions!), and i had no idea what anyone was saying. i was completely lost. i met the first boy i ever loved there (benjamin. we were together for about six months, but i broke it off quite recently. i miss him). he spoke really good english, and was sweet and charming, but i must admit that i wasn't attracted to him at first (there was richard to feast my eyes upon). in fact, it wasn't until that night when i realized i needed him. saturday was spent at home and at the museums, and sunday was spent at home and on a walk for an hour or so. oh, that walk. through the streets of lyon, across bridges and through the market. the sun shone and it was perfect. a golden light over a golden city. i knew after that that lyon was where i belonged.
after lyon was the south of france. we stayed in nice, which is also a magnificent city. i went swimming the first night, and the next day. we did a lot of shopping (although i didn't buy much) and sightseeing, but my favorite parts were during the drives through the south of france. it was warm and sunny and the sun would set over the mediterranean sea at night, and the mountains were at a distance. during those drives i would listen to iron and wine and mike doughty and think about benjamin.
after that we went back to paris for our last few days. i recall one of my favorite memorys of two subways, one of which i was on, stopping next to each other. in the window of the other subway that was next to mine, a little girl waved and showed me her lollipop, and i smiled at her. i was perfectly content when the subways pulled away, and i still miss her. she was a beautiful child.

on the drive to the airport to leave, i cried my eyes out. i could not believe that my man, and my home, would be halfway across the world from me. but one day i will be back for good. i left myself there in the process of leaving.