susumu yokota must make the most erotic music ever. and it's so good!

i've been sick (stuffed up, headaches, super tired, coughing sore throat...) lately, and tonight i'm glad because i get to watch my weekly guilty pleasure Gilmore Girls, and get to bed by 10:00. you know why? because tonight i only have french (which i've done) and world history for homework! and for world history i only need three bullett points to support my thesis statement. no math, no biology (i just finished a project in that class), no language arts...it's so nice! today i feel a lot better, but i'm still sick. the thing about my nose during colds is that only one side of my nose gets really stuffed up. the other side is just kind of annoying, and given the fact thati must always be physically balanced (everyone is obsessive compulsive in some way) this is a big annoying thing. especially when breathing through your nose is harder than usual, which means you must always chew with your mouth open (which i hate doing because it's gross and i hate the noises and when other people do it) so you can breath! btu that'll probably be over by tommorow.
in digitools today i started working with the voice recognition program and it's really fun, but a little bit frustrating. my pretty boy who needs a mixtape really bad (anyone who likes ludacris and big corporate rap needs one) is working on it to. he's like, six feet tall. and really nice. and i think he likes me. damn, i bet i just jinxed that. that and getting better.

i went camping this weekend with my dad... 

...and some of his friends... 

...we ate a lot of food. this here is some goolash. i know i spelled that wrong... 

...and steak on a stick... 

...we chopped wood... 

...and created this huge pile of wood... 

...and burnt almost all of it in a blazin' fire! 

Hi. My name is Sarah Rogers and I'm 14 years old. And I'm pissed. Why? Because KEXP always has these great fundraising events, such as John in the Morning at Night, with lots of great bands (like the one coming up with the Math and Physics Club, M83, etc.), that my friends and I and I'm sure many other under-21-ers would like to attend. I mean, I find it kind of unfair. First off, there are people under 21, like myself, who adore KEXP and would like to help support them with their dollars (which we cannot do during your pledge drives because we lack credit cards). Secondly, Seattle already has a crappy enough all ages scene. But at the same time there are tons of venues with lots of great bands coming through that we can't see! You'd think that a good, independant radio station such as yourselves would give us a chance to go to some concerts with more than just local acts, but with acts from all over the country and the world, that we often don't get the chance to see. I also just don't get how, at the KEXP parking lot party you had back this summer, Smoosh, who happens to be very much under 21, could play that 21+ show! That is, excuse my language, fucked up. I know they probably had to be kept backstage and all that, and away from the beer, but that is still not cool. I know that so many good venues like Neumos and the Chop Suey keep most of their shows 21+ because of the alchohal, which they need to make those sales for themselves, and that at all ages shows they make less sales, but you could have an all ages bar w/ ID show for once. you'd still sell a lot of drinks, and sell just as many tickets, and you would have a much more satisfied crowd of listeners if everyone, from 10 years old to 100, could come to these shows. I know I'd appreciate it and feel good for helping to support my favorite station in the world. So please, take this into consideration.

Your Loyal Listener,

Sarah

i sent that in an email to KEXP. i hope they do something about what i complaine about...

we talked again today (me and bob goodin). two times, plus one hallway passing discreet smile and nod. and i touched him. oh god. i touched his hand, and his hair, even though the hair i touched was all gelled up into one tower on top of his head, so it was kind of hard and crunchy and wierd feeling. but i liked it. he's so fucking wierd. i love it! and he's not as short as i thought. i mean, he's still way short by most peoples standards, but i go just barely up to his shoulder. so our heights fit. but why, oh WHY does he have to be older than me by so much? i mean, i know two years really isn't that much, but in high school, yeah, it is. why does he have to be so much older, and be so sweet, and be an upper classman who pays attention to me, and looks at me and smiles and is perfect? why does he have to collect records and have a nice voice to listen to and be pretty to look at? but i have things in my favor!
1. the day i first talked to him, i got a fortune cookie whose fortune was "you will have a happy adventure soon."

2. he knows i exist

3. he knows my name

4. i'm friends with Kendall, who he is or will be friends with

5. i think he likes me (as a friend)

 

my finger covered in ink. 

where's my golden crown?!

if i could spend a day with three people, i would spend it with:

1. devendra banhart
2. robin williamson
3. babygramps. or bob goodin. i can never decide on three...

who would you spend it with?

i ain't got no home

my sister came home from school and told me about a boy i would like. his name was Bob Goodin and his hobbie was sitting around in the dark listening to records.
yeah, i'm going to do it. break up with benjamin. you see, this is the problem with entering a new school. there's a whole slew of boys for your brain and your body to go nuts over. and there's one particular boy named Bob Goodin. but i call him bomber kid. he's a junior, which means it probably won't happen, plus i really don't think my parents would like him to much. he's short (yes, even to me, who is not even five feet tall), has longish greasy black hair, a little black goatee, very interesting clothes...he's not exactly the most classy boy in the world. but he's pretty (to me. nobody else really seems to think so. but you should see him smile), and i think he is pretty smart, he likes good music, and HE KNOWS I EXIST. yes, he knows i'm there. you know how? i complimented him on his tye-dye pants today. damn! we conversed TWO TIMES today. oh man, i hope i wasn't blushing, but my hands were kind of shaky. it was supposed to work this way, for i had it planned. we would be walking in opposite directions, him from his science class, me from my computer class. i would tell him i liked his pants. he would thank me and walk away. but it went something like this:
me: (eyes wide) i like your pants!
him: (smiles, dramaticly unrolls a childs size tye-dye t-shirt)
me: very nice!
him: i know. hey, do you have a pair of scissors?
me: no.
him: do you know anyone who would?
me: (thinks awhile) no.
him: ok. thanks!
we both begin to walk away
me:bye! (throws head back, muffles a squeal of delight)
oh holy jesus. when he talks to you (or at least when he talked to me) he's all smiles, and just stares you straight in the eyes with his dark, dark ones. i spent the rest of the day squealing and saying, "oh, that magic 8 ball was fucking wrong!" the second time i talked to him, it was just after the first bell after lunch rang. his friends had just left, and he was walking towards me, on the way to his class. i stopped him.
me: hey, did you ever find a pair of scissors?
him: yeah, i did.
me: so what did you want to do with it anyway?
him: oh, i gave it to someone who would have fit it better, because it came up to like (indicates to a place higher than where bellybutton probably is) here on me.
me: yeah, that's a bit small. well, i got to get to class.
him: see you around!

if there's a next time i talk to him, i'm going to introduce myself, and pretend i have NO idea what his name is, or who he is, because if he finds out i've been like, watching him for a year, i THINK that'd creep him out quite a bit.

sorry you all had to read all that. well, i guess you didn't HAVE to...

yeah, fuck that one idea. i love my french boy.

we're just going to have to ignore that one hot guy who sits next to me in digitools.

Bring Me My Dollar---------todays entry is going to show off the best of my "Found" collection! Found is a magazine made up only of notes and photographs foudn on the street, and emails sent to the wrong address. it's absolutely wonderful! it made me want to start lookin, so i did! they're on tour (yes, they tour) and they're probably coming to a bookstore near you (they're in Seattle on october 26 at university bookstore at 7:00pm i believe, check the time) and i'm going with my whole binderful of shit! here's a link to their site: http://www.foundmagazine.com/ check when they come to your city! it's not to be missed! 

i think some of the really preppy girls at my old school used this, because they all looked the same everyday. 

found this attached to an empty garbage can 

Jason in Twenty Years  

and this one is my absolute favorite. i found it in a dumpster by a construction site i was going through with my friends. i found the best in the dumpster (it was like, all unused leagal pads we took and used and like, architectural plans) 

looking through the facets of a plastic jewel

i got a letter from him today. it was sweet and loving and wonderful, like usual. it made me happy. but it wasn't the same. i don't know. i really don't know what to do now. if i ended it right now, it would be devastating for him, but if i didn't, i would just be carrying on something i didn't feel good about anymore. it would be like lying. but i don't want to give him a tremendous amount of pain. should i make it into a slow decline for him, like it has been for me? or should i end it abruptly, while i am still not completly over him?

i'll give some thought to your opinions if you send them.

for we had no road

i sound like one of those teenagers who will eternally complain about the evils of love. everything i see or pass reminds me of something i should have done differently. like, today we drove by some church that had on its reader board "protect your heart, for it is the wellspring of your life." but that's bullshit. if you go around protecting yourself, and not being open, you will achieve nothing, especially not happiness. and my months of bliss were well worth what i feel now.

brown eyes, you're the only song i want to hear

he's home. he's home, and he hasn't emailed me. he changed his MSN tag, and he didn't email me. i wrote him an email, it was kind of intense, and then i wrote what was basicaly an ''i'm sorry'' email, and that was two days ago, and i havn't heard from him. i'm falling apart at the seams. i can't focus on anything, i can't sleep, and when i do, i have these horrible dreams about him. my tear ducts are overflowing.

did i do something? does he not love me anymore? the only thing i can think of is that my semi-intense email scared him, and now he doesn't know what to say. i'm on MSN right now, but he hasn't signed on. i hope i can talk to him today, hope i can work things out, but i'm bracing myself for the fact that i might have to end it. and i don't want to, because i'm still tottaly stuck on him. everything i write is sappy and horrible. i just want him to come back...

school

school started a couple of days ago. it kinda sucks. not just because it's school. i don't really know anyone, but i've made a couple of friends (i guess) their names are Luke and Cla(i?)re. i eat lunch with them, have biology with them, and french with cla(i?)re. i still don't have a second period, because my schools office is amazingly unorganized, and, unlike my old school, probably wont have it taken care of by next week. my classes all look pretty boring, and 6th period ('digitools') is hell. the teacher, mrs. bayley, is so scary. she's old and has carpotunnel (GREAT for teaching a computer class) and yells a lot and whenever she closes her mouth she sucks on her tongue, so it looks like she's eating a piece of candy all this time. and she's deaf and sniffs a lot and really needs some allergy medicine and a job she enjoys. my bus driver is young and gangsta and late all the time and plays rap really loud and doesn't care about the rules. i like him a lot except for the fact that he's always late and plays BAD rap. i think it's his first year though, and he'll get to know the route better as the year goes on.

i guess it'll be okay.

my finest hour

tommorow it all begins. i'll climb aboard a schoolbus i'll ride for four years (unless our super poor school district cuts off the money for it), walk down the hallways i'll eventually become overly familiar with, find the head custodian to fix my lock, and then switch lockers with someone (i know that top lockers are usually the good ones to have, but when you're 4'10 1/2", it's really not all that great). i put my binder together tonight, and i put pictures on the cover (there's one of devendra banhart, one of charles and a blurry ethan, one of my french boy, one of some boys smoking in france, one of tv on the radio. flip to the back. some guy taking a picture in Paris, an arthur magazine sticker, something that says 'fragile, handle with care', two pictures of aqualung...you don't care). and then i'll go to my classes, which i'm sure will be absolutely boring.

i feel dead. i havn't heard from him in over a month, and i hope nothing's wrong. i know all the people europe like to go on vacation for obscene amounts of time, but jesus. i miss him so much. i'm so miserable all the time, there's just this weight in my mind and on my heart and it's so heavy and it's crushing me. i wish he was back. i remember when my mind was once light and fluffy and i floated everywhere. but the days when my heart leaped all the time are gone. i shouldn't be listening to this song. this was the song that, when i realized (the day after i left the school) that i really liked him, i would lay on my bed and cry to this song.

i need to get away from here.

well shiiiiiznit!

http://media.putfile.com/Kanye79

















(i heart kanye west)

my eyelashes dripped with water

i got back from mrrndas house today. it's funny how there are things you don't realize you really love until they're taken away from you for a few days. like playing music of your choice really loud, or wandering around naked, or knowing how to work the shower, or taping music off the radio, etc. or having 24/7 access to your mixtapes, which are to big and bulky to carry around in the excess amounts i would like to (i brought 40 cd's with me).
bumbershoot's tommorow, and who's hyped? 'm hyped, biznatch! i'm going for two days and i'm seeing at least four bands each day, or less, if i can't get into the shows. which is the sucky thing about these festivals. you have a 50/50 chance of getting into the show. oh well. i'm lining up for the MAPC concert like, 2 hours ahead of time because i can't miss them at bumbershoot. this is a big deal for them!

for the three days i was at mrrnda's, we wrote songs. we got three finished. i already have the guitar part finished for al lthe songs, but then we need to get in there and write some keyboard parts. now me and mrrnda need to get ourselves a bassist (insert: sky) and drummer (insert: ?)