I have hung my walls with pictures promoting freedom and contentedness. When I wake up in the morning, I see a man smiling and clapping his hands. I am doing what I can to curb the feeling I get when I'm alone, the one where I want to smash things and die, but it is awfully difficult to get a handle on. I probably need some help. I wish I had Anna. I had a dream last night where we went to Ethiopian church and the only black guy passed out in the middle of the service and some white guy had to take up his chanting and for communion they gave us incredibly delicious juicy hamburgers.